More To Fall, Poem (42/365)

Welcome to the Bottom

his inner voice said

after he was shoved

on the floor

But what if this isn’t the bottom

what if there is more to fall

a scary thought

just as scary as the guy who pushed him

if not more

What if there is more to fall

he didn’t know what to do

he thought about starting over

but he had tried that before

and discovered

that there was

no place to go

no doors opened

no couches for him to rest

all just empty gestures

said but never truly meant

He thought about what

if this isn’t the bottom

How much more could he fall

How much would his heart allow him

to handle

up till then

he barley mustered up strength

for the day

saying things will get better

they must because this is bottom

the only way is up

it had not hit him

that there might be more to fall

He remembered a long time a ago

he felt like this

but he had risen

he didn’t recall it being this bad

this suffocating

this disastrous

and as hope left his body

he did not cling to it

he just let it go

He thought about just staying on the floor

that if he was lucky maybe he would just die here

maybe he could be invisible

perhaps he would be happy on the bar floor

The man who had  shoved in bar brawl

appeared perplex as expecting to be met by fists of retaliation

not a plank on the floor

he looked up at the ceiling

he thought he could stay here

if he didn’t move things could stop

perhaps he could freeze time

abandon responsibilities

his eyes watered

he thought about all the stupid mistakes

and he thought

I wish I would have

stayed in contact with a frank,

he wished he didn’t buy that shirt,

he wished he never went on that trip

all of his choices,

became regrets,

and those regrets seemed

to create fake realities

in which he was happy

in which every decision lead to a better reality

he scrutinized ever word he utter

every handshake

every step he walked

he thought of screaming

and he kept repeating

what if this is not the bottom

how much more do I have to fall

and after he fell about as far

as his self loathing could get him

he flexed his foot and

started to prep

to get up again

 

 

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Stop Looking In the Rear View, Poem (39/365)

Forgive yourself,

Everyday won’t be perfect

Everyday won’t be dead on

Forgive yourself,

When you don’t meet quotas,

But be proud of all the days you did,

Forget the inspections you failed

Those test won’t matter 10 years from now,

You run,

and some days you can barley crawl

But Forgive yourself

For you tried your best

operating a machine

you never had the manual for

And it’s okay

warning some failures seem bigger

then they actually are, in memory

All I ask is that you stay alert

You shall redeem yourself

Tomorrow,

But Forgive yourself

because the looking back

will only cause more accidents

and you never get

anywhere

We make ourselves stranded

 

 

 

 

The Whole Story, Poem (38/365)

We are never privy

to whole story

The whole story

is engaging, funny,

smart, sad, heartbreaking,

and boring

We will never know the whole story

He can try to explain it

but you’ll only understand slivers

he maybe over sensitive

you’ll remark

but if you lived the same

you might be too

I can’t understand

why the woman

who named her dog “Chewy”

doesn’t understand

why he won’t stop chewing

 the grass at the Park

Which to me seems only so self fulfilling

And I can’t understand why

these dog owners choose to stroll

on the line specifically designed for runners

when the rest of the park is completely theres

and I think about homeless man

that I watch everyday

who sits at the top of the mountain

what’s his story

or the man who sleeps in the park

I have not determined what he does

he sleeps next to his bike

and I can’t help wonder what’s the sliver

that lead to this

as soon as night falls

he jumps on his bike and rides away

and I wonder if he lost his job

and he sits in the park to occupy time

maybe he hasn’t told his family

so he sits till he can think of better

but I am grateful for him

regardless of what happened

because one night,

I felt scared to walk slash jog back

I could tell you the whole story,

about the treatment of  woman, blacks, and latinos,

about coming from suburbia

about what happens to kids like me on nights like this

about fear

And I could try to explain what’s it like

to be me

and tell you the whole story,

but it’s a long, sad,

boring, heartbreaking,

smart, hopeful, happy  story

or what I can tell you

is a sliver about

a man on a bike

who unknowingly made

me feel

 safer

 

 

 

Attempts at Flight, Poem/Photos (37/365)

I have not left my house in a while so today I went to Malibu, and took some shots. I have not picked up my camera in a really long time. So it was quite refreshing to get back on the pony lol.

Today I saw man attempt to fly

And he tried and he tried

to get his red parachute off the ground

And I never doubted him

My question was not of the ability

but rather the destination

Where would he go

Because this is a park

A small one at best

Surrounded by infrastructure

traffic that way

fences that way

parking that way

and houses that way

but through the houses

is an ocean

But where will he go

my mind wondered

He will surly hit a tree

or fence

and watched him attempt

to fly

but where will he land

is only about 100 feet

an estimate I made because  i’m 5 foot

and believe from one end to other end

you could fit  20 of me

large for the city

but not grounds for flying

and I day dreamed that

maybe just maybe

he would be picked up

by wind, and he’s parachute

would fly him over mountains

made of light rays

Till he reached Catalina

 safely

He kept attempting to fly

But there wasn’t much wind

and I watched him until sunset

till he packed up

till the sky turned purple

and one day soon

it will no longer be attempt

he will fly

and I doubt I will see it

But I will wonder about

where he landed

IMG_0395 IMG_0405 IMG_0406

I took this Upside down and I think it should stay that way

I took this Upside down and I think it should stay that way

IMG_0428 IMG_0449 IMG_0455 IMG_0457 IMG_0460 IMG_0463 IMG_0476 IMG_0487 IMG_0491

 

 

 

The Facts We Avoided, Poem (35/365)

Did you know

that your body

is 75 percent water

Did you know

some teen

after two brain injuries became

a musical prodigy

Did you know

that you can live without

food for 2 weeks

Did you know we avoided

talking about anything of substance

for the last 3 months

We only discussed the facts of others

because we are to scared

to face the facts we avoided

And when we argued this morning

over sport teams

it got heated

and it had nothing to do with football

or end zones

or touch downs

or signing bonuses

And I apologize because

I am just as much responsible

Because These Factoids

Are Droids of denial

Did you know

you are 100 percent

more likely to point out flaws in others

then you would in your self

strange

Fact 182

But I’m not ready yet

to discuss are facts

so

did you know

that it has been proven

it comes to vision

that age

is not a factor

The Anatomy of A Winner, Poem (33/365)

I have been defeated

and I have lost

but I have kept it a secret

I will not tell my body

And I will not tell my heart

And I will not tell my lungs

that I have been defeated

I don’t want failure in my blood stream

I don’t want loss to become like oxygen

moving through veins

spreading to parts

contaminating my heart

No I will reject this defeat

I don’t want my lungs to grow weak

or frail, or sad

and be heavy with each and every breath

about nothing that they can not control

And I have not communicated to my eyes

why I gave them the order to cry

I told them to blame it on a system malfunction

I have not told my hands or legs

because I don’t want them to stop

I don’t want them to hesitate

I don’t want them to rethink their duty

I want my vessel pure

And if I bleed

I want bleed victory

So I will not let my body be overtaken

by these undoings

No traces of ruins in my bones

No never

And I won’t

And I can’t

So please don’t tell my body

That I have been momentarily defeated

or I will tell my ears not to work

And I tell my brain not to compute it

And I will blame it on hearing error

I have been telling my soul

a little white lie

That I am always a winner

Always champion

Always conquer

Always victor

And loss can not be found in me

A little white lie, will hold me over

Till I can make it reality

become what my body

and my heart

and my lungs

know to be true

That I have succeed

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