Weight Scales for Two, A Dark Comedic Short Story (13/365)

Their stomach growled together.

Oh how romantic, even their organs were in sync saying I love you and I love you too.

They both hadn’t eat anything in 3 hours, not because they were broke, not because they were lazy, but by choice. Any outsider would have thought they where crazy, but no not them. They were committed. Dona was Model with a photo shoot, and Dan was a professional fighter with a fight the next day. Dan weighted on any normal day 155, but fought professional at the weight of 145.  In both there worlds it was not uncommon to cut weight.  Weight Cutting is not to be confused weight loss those are two different things, weight loss is the idea of keeping the weight off for good or an extended period of time. Weight Cutting is the idea trying to purge your body certain amount  of water weight for a brief period of time usually a day. After the event finished you  try to recoup what you have lost. Weight cutting is a phenomenon that happens mostly in Boxers, Fighters,  and Fitness Models.  Dona and Dan both would have told you weight cutting is no joke.

They both had plans. Dan would have to sweat it all out. He  would not take in anything for the next day no food, no  water till he reached the official fighting scale. And once he left the scale Dona would be there with a huge burger in hand with the largest banana-strawberry smoothie. He visualized all the ingredients going into the blender one by one. He kept a banana peel next to him, and he would sniff and pretend that he had actually ate it.

Then Dona, had a swimsuit cover to do. She unlike Dan could intake food. So she wasn’t completely hungry. Her plan would be to drink water, do sit ups for nice abs,  eat little salads, and eat celery. She had read some where that to chew celery takes more calories to burn then to actually eat. Regardless if it was true or not, she had made it her truth. As soon as her photo shoot was done she had envisioned eating the largest pizza known to man by herself. In her fantasy she imagined having slices in her left and right hand going hard eating one bite from each hand.

The motto for this weight cut  session was “Living on Love”.

They had decided there love was stronger then there desire to eat.

Dona and Dan had never cut weight with lover before.

It started with a run in the heated park, with Dan covered  in trash bags and  Dona in a cute pastel pink tracksuit.

After the run they laid on a blanket holding hands and looked up at the clouds, mostly discussing what kind of food each cloud looked like.

“It’s a hamburger, with extra pickles, onions, lettuce,  practically the works!” said Dan.

“I really hope they didn’t put special sauce, I hate special sauce” said Dona.

“Look over there that looks like a steak” said Dona.

“Marinate that sucker and, leave it on the grill till it’s medium rare and that would be delicious. And look over there that looks like mashed potatoes” He smiled.

Holding hands they walked out of the park looking like the trash can and the princess.

Dan took a very long warm bath, at this moment he was parched and  contemplated drinking the bath water but he knew better. He could hear outside the bathroom Dona chumping on her celery and he was bitter.

Later she nestled him in fabric.  Dan was in his cocoon of  heating towels, and kissed him on the lips. “You can do this babe” she said. He smiled. She walked over to the kitchen and began to drink a glass of water. Dan’s routine wouldn’t allow him to drink water.  He starred at her jealously, he imagined what it would be to feel the water in his mouth. He called her over faintly.

“I want to kiss you.” He muttered

She leaned in and he’s tongue  inside of her mouth hunted for water, this wasn’t a kiss this was desperation. Dona was nice about she knew he was trying to cheat but she pretended to enjoy and repeated internally  “It’s so romantic” … Until he bit her.

“Ouch” she said.

“Sorry”

“What the heck, Dan?!?!”

“Sorry”

She sat at the edge of the bed, distant. Living on love was isn’t all it was cracked up to be. Dan thought of what to say  to make this right but could only think of Tacos.

Since he was wrapped so tight he couldn’t really see Dona, he just looked up at the ceiling, which was white clumps and reminded him of cottage cheese. It was useless. But he flashed back to the last time he ate it, he remembered hating and Dona trying to connivence  him to eat it. He thought about how he wished he would have ate it.

She looked at him.

He slowly tried to wiggle his way to her.  But rolled off the bed.

“Ouch” Dan said.

She leaped over to him.

She looked at him and started laughing and he started laughing too.

“You kind of look like a burrito”  she chuckled.

“I’m sorry, You know I’m not like this all the time only when i’m hungry.” he earnestly said.

And she gave him the worlds quickest peak on the check. He looked at her like why so quick.

She explained ” Just incase you try to bite me again, I really think I should stay away from your mouth hun.”

Love is a great thing but people still need food and water to survive.

And they agreed to never ever cut weight together again.

 

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Do Me A Favor and Hit me, A Poem (12/365)

Title: Do Me A Favor and Hit me

Please do me a favor

Hit me hard she moaned

And I hit with a light dap

I groaned

I don’t like violence

I signed up for Karate

for the outfit

and a fun way to loose 200 calories

She moaned

if you don’t hit me hard

you don’t do me any favors

I groaned

I’m 30 more pounds more then you

And I have seen what my fist can do

I use to use  them in grade school

And I left my opponents with black eyes

But my heart would hurt

so  after the  fight  I would cry

because I’m all about love and peace and unicorns

So I rather not punch you hard if that’s okay

She moaned

How will I function under pressure

I’m here to win medals

and If you don’t hit me

when enemies come I won’t be prepared

so HIT ME HARD

That was grade school

Grow up, I can handle what ever you got

and I’m sure it’s not a heck of a lot

I groaned

Fine, Alright

I closed my eyes real tight

and pulled my fist back,

And Bam,

like that,

She went back,

She moaned

and groaned

til the paramedics took her

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Some Heros Wear Sweaters, Poem (11/365)

Title: Some Heros Wear Sweaters 

Some people wear capes

to make them feel brave

others just wear sweaters

that keep them warm

in months of cold

Some people need X-ray vision

And others just need to listen

I’m not talking Supersonic Hearing

I’m talking about

I hear you, and I see you so much

That “I know you” type of vision

Some people need the ability to be able to read minds

And other people are able to read a person’s heart

And know that what he said

is not always what he meant

There are those that can become invisible

And there are those who  make people visible

There are those who can run around the earth

a thousand times over

in an hour

And there are those who can make you feel

like the you are the universe

A thousand times over

in an second

There are those who become super

by falling into a pit of radioactive material

There are those who become super

by character alone

There are those who can stop a bullet

And there are those who can stop a bullet

Some of those people might wear a cape,

But some of them might just wear a sweater

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Blame it on the Mall Poem (9/365)

Title: Blame it on the Mall

See it wasn’t my fault,

The Mall ate all my money,

With those sharp teeth,

Of course she lured me in,

With gismos, and gadgets,

And this really cute top,

But it’s not  my fault,

You see,

She has those hypnotic eyes,

And she smells like Cinnabon ,

And I really tried to run,

But I felt victim just like Brad, Jen, and Cameron,

It really isn’t my fault,

that my credit cards are maxed,

Bank account is tapped,

and my room is filled with new stuff,

Because you see,

The Mall,

She ate ALL OF MY MONEY

A Biography of Bradley Steel, My 15 inch Macbook, A Poem (8/365)

Title:  A Biography of  Bradley Steel, My 15 inch Macbook, A Poem

My Computer is an insomniac,

No Sleep,

No Naps

No Coffee,

Just Electricity,

Just Electricity,

Just Electricity,

He stays up roamin’,

News Feeds, RSS  Feeds,

My Computer is an insomniac,

But He’s never been sick,

Never caught a Virus,

Never hacked,

He goes out routinely for check ups,

The Genius at the hospital says he fine,

With the exception of a scratches,

He had two battery surgical  procedures,

He one time broke a bone in his Logic Board but it’s fine now,

As far as socially,

My computer goes from one relationship to another relationship,

But he has yet to the find the one,

the one who is able to keep up with him,

 The last wifi he dated was Named Netgear 423,

Mentally unstable,

No Connection long enough to hold a connection,

Before that it was COUNTYGUESTLA,

Who was jealous wifi,

and often picking and choose the sites best appropriate,

for a computer like him,

And she was always taking her time to get ready,

Then his 4 year stint with a college Wifi,

Off and on,

But she was a clinging little internet provider,

asking him to prove his love over and over,

By saying their secret password,

two times a day, and sometimes more

And when he refused to say it one more time,

She booted him out the door until he did,

He had various flings with coffee shop wifi,

But nothing that serious

Last year he planned to loose 150 GB of storage,

He did by workout on an external hard drive everyday

but then he gained it back,

This time with movies, music, and photos,

My Computer is an insomniac,

He daydreams inbetween 0’s and 1’s,

Longing to make something meaningful,

He scared to be  shut down,

But it might be just what he needs,

Because after all the updates, and installs,

He starting to slow,

He can’t stay awake for ever,

He can’t keep refreshing at this pace,

He needs a nap,

He’s shutting down windows,

He’s not catching spelling typos,

Today I caught him as his eyes glared over,

He misplaced the cursor,

He can no longer control his audio movements

I tried to lower his sound levels

but lately he has not been listening

My Computer is an insomniac,

Today we are having an intervention,

“Do you really want me to shut down?”

“Yes”

It’s just for today and not forever,

So dream about tomorrow,

about all the photoshop, editing,

and info tomorrow

and all the internet cookies you can have

tomorrow

Burnt Wood (7/365)

What a lot of people don’t know about me is that I actually enjoy doing art with wood and using that as a canvas. Today I did  a piece of wood art in which I did a mixture of wood burning and drilling.  And add some color in the end. For the wood burning I have a special electronic pen specifically designed to burn through the wood, if you wanted to do something like this I would recommend getting one because it’s super safe and won’t burn down your house. But for me tool itself is pretty amazing, to watch the puffs of smoke raise, I think the process of burning and drilling is an act of art itself maybe one day I will tape the experience. 

Close Up of wood burning

Close Up of wood burning

The end product

The end product

the end product

the end product

 

A Depressed and Distressed Emotional Unicorn, A Poem By Lexie Grace (6/365)

Title: When Unicorns, Other Mythical Creatures and Other People Forget to Look at themselves in The Mirror on A Daily Based

Alternate title: For Unicorns When the Rainbow ain’t Enough

Alternate title: Hey You Get A Mirror

Alternate title: Please Get A Mirror

Alternate title: Didn’t I tell you to get a Mirror!

Enough with the title nonsense, here is the poem:

A Depressed and Distressed Emotional Unicorn

Told me as he flew on to the vibrant rainbow,

“There’s no magic in the world”,

A Exhausted Mermaid,

Told me as she swam in the sea,

“You’re Bound To Stay Put”,

A Pessimist Artist,

Told me as he painted his master piece,

“All Art is Useless”

A Neurotic Medicine Man,

Told Me As he healed a leper,

“You better know death is coming soon”,

A Bitter Cupid,

Told Me as he rewrote a love song,

“Love is evil, Never trust it, it’s not worth the effort”,

A Faithless Nun,

Told Me as she served food to the homeless,

“God doesn’t live here any longer”,

A  Confused girl,

Sits as she ponders,

Tells herself,

“Nobody remembers who they are”

She Tells herself

“Life is Magically Unlimited”

End of Poem! Why do you suppose that sometimes we as humans fail to see what’s right in front of us?

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