An Apology for Someone Who Will Never Hear it, Poem (16/365)

You know I tried to write you this apology letter
I must have tried to write it physically 11 times
And in my mind to many to count
And it always started out
Very hallmark
I’m so sorry things ended the way it did
But you taught me so much
And I thought about
the perfect time to send the letter
I was thinking about sending it to you
when I completed something
Because if I finished
I could prove something to you
That you made me a better person
That I couldn’t have had all these great friendships with others
If ours hadn’t of failed and burned like it did
And I really thought we were going to be the next Hardy Boys
That I should have tried harder
And I should have been more organized
And that perhaps we would have had a shot
if we did everything together
And I tell you that you were right I should have been cleaner
And that I should let you run wild
And that I should have told you
You were great
And I apologize for ever time I held it in when I should spoke my mind
And I apologize for every time I got silent when I should have talked
And I apologize for every time I talked when I should have been silent
But we were young
I was young and I cared to much of what others thought to tell you my truth
And it’s usually this part where this apology turns in to anything but an apology
And it here that I realize this isn’t my cross to carry
That we each had put the daggers in
That we both shut down
That we both were stubborn
That we both weren’t great at communicating
That I realize you were crazy
You were legit crazy
But my catholic guilt has made you a martyr
And I realize how much junk that I took from you
And I recall all your empty threats
All of your double standards
All of the times you made me feel less than
All of your mini meltdowns
All of your interrogations
All of your pretend victimization
All of your selfishness
I remember having to make your friends comfortable
When you would go and leave
And I get angry and think why write you an apology in the first place
And I guess the only thing I can say
Is that you taught me a lot
And for that I will be grateful
Because of you I can honestly say I’m a better person
And as much anger as do have for you
I can honestly say if we should ever cross paths
I could only give you a hug
A huge hug
And say what I tried to say
what i have tried to say over and over again
In the letter you have never received
But I have mentally sent to you every now and then
“If the circumstances had been different
I believe you and I would had been perfect together
But it wasn’t meant to be
But thank you for teaching me
how to love”
many people will
Think this apology is for them
But it’s not its for you
I’m worried that others will think Its for them
but I know you will never see this
And we will never cross paths again
So this apology
Will always just be for me
To know its out there
When you want it

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